Thoughts Unceasing

I just received mail from two of my favorite people. The first was a postcard announcing Lindsay's marriage to Alex (yay!!!) with the most adorable pictures of the two of them I've ever seen. The second was a letter from Maighdlin. If you have never received a letter from her, you should wish that you had. In it she writes about paying attention to what is being revealed "about Him, others, you, your calling, and His perfect plan for your life." What an important reminder for me-for all of us, really. As I am sure you have, I have been so busy with what's become my daily regimen--learning new material, acquiring knowledge, ruminating over specific ideas with other people, among other things--that I have scarce taken time to step back and truly contemplate life's bigger questions...

I remember Dr. Ury talking during the last fall revival about how as Christians, Jesus is our Reality. I had never heard this preached before but I took a liking to the precept. It seemed profound to me, but I was too "busy" to reflect on the implications of this statement. Reality, as it relates to philosophy, is defined as existence that is absolute, self-sufficient, or objective, and not subject to human decisions or conventions. Thus, if Jesus is true reality, and if this definition really encompasses the nature of reality, then the Godhead does exist as absolute, self-sufficient, and not subject to human decisions or conventions. Does this hit anyone else like it does me? What mainly impresses on my mind is that if I really believed this to be true, there would be no place in my heart for insipid notions of self-sufficiency, subjective conclusions, or truth outside of God. The fact is that whether I believe God to be true or not, He is. 

Application: Ugly as it may be, I have always had strong tendencies to want to control all things pertaining to me, from my present circumstances to my future. This desire contradicted what I knew in my head to be true about God: He died so that I might gain life where it was lost, that I might find freedom through Him, and in Him, a perfect plan purposed for my good. (Philippians 1:21; Galatians 5:1; Jeremiah 29:11). For as long as I have had a personal relationship with God, there has been this dichotomous tension, almost as if I am wrestling God Himself for control over my life. What if Jesus became my overriding reality? What if I fully believed Him and His word to be true? I do not believe I would fight Him anymore for control because I would know in my heart that He really does have a future prepared for me, better than any I could plan myself. 

What is it about God that you do not believe to be true? And how does it affect the way you live your life?

Once I acknowledge God as Reality, it becomes easier for me to accept my position and to shed any pretense I have before Him and others. Along with being busy has come the feeling of being thrown into this semester and into circumstances. Unbeknownst to me, it would prove the best time of my life! I have been thrown into this community of 43 students and 10 staff members. And as all of us were sort of forced into this close-knit community, we've had no other choice but to treat it as such. On the subject of community, we read Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Life Together. To my surprise, it's amazing what being in real community can do for you and others! (Who knew?!) As Proverbs 27:17 says, "as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." It has been a blessing. I will share more about community in an upcoming post.

As I said, seeing Him more accurately and acting with others as His body has given me proper (though far from perfect) perspective on my role in all of this. It amazes me that at points in time, I have valued myself more than others. Note: This is foolish. All that results from this is a skewed, self-absorbed mentality. Rather, you and I need other people to help us learn more about ourselves. In fact, I find that I learn most about myself when I realize I have just judged or disliked someone's personality, disposition, etc. I mean, what kind of pride must lie someone deep inside that would surface when I meet people with whom I automatically write off for no good reason? Ashamedly, I have identified this attitude in myself a few times, living in such close community. And thank God for grace. For helping me to understand. My heart needs to change; not them. 

To address the last part of Maighdlin's letter, I am in the midst of things I've yet to sort through regarding my calling. Many questions pertaining to all of our futures have arisen through conversation and class, such as: What has He gifted you with? What are your natural abilities? What do you have a heart for? Does your career necessarily need to be your ministry? Would not the church function more properly if we as Christians took secular jobs and spent time after work doing the work of the church? Should not every area of our lives reflect our primary calling, which is to glorify God? As I said, many questions...much to sort through. But to bring it back around to the reality of Jesus:

"And why do you worry...? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" -Matthew 6:28-30

And the fact remains that whether I believe God to be true or not, He is. 

Redemption

I make a mess of things. I do.

And don't we all? Have we not all made a mess of things, of situations, of relationships in our lives, some with greater repercussions than others? If you're thinking "no" in your head (as a side note, I don't believe you), then have you ever been subject to a similar scenario?

In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace, that He lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. -Ephesians 1:7

In my lifetime, I have seen my parents' marriage restored.  I have seen my older cousin come to truly love the Lord, God redeem her relationship with her high school sweetheart, and consequently, marry him.  Her faith has affected her family.  I watched as Jesus transformed the life of my sister, from struggling with anorexia nervosa to knowing Him personally, loving Him, and wanting to serve Him.  I have seen individuals across several generations in my family healed of old wounds. (And you wonder why I want to help couples and families via Christian counseling). I have seen a lifelong friend come to know the Lord, and actively pursue Him with her fiance, who came to the Lord 5 years ago.  I have seen a relationship that I ruined, be healed and restored. Additionally, this friend is now walking daily with the Lord, and is an encouragement to me.

As I read back over this list, it seems so miraculous--and, of course, it is.... Who else in heaven or on earth could be given such credit for changed lives?  The thing is, this should not surprise us.  As Christians, redemption is our reality.

God is so good. And the most awesome part is that He doesn't do it for us! I know, crazy to think that God does not take care of us and provide for us for our sake!? His ways are perfect, and He has purposed everything and everyone for His glory. There was a time when I did not understand this; there will be times when my behavior suggests that I still don't. But praise God that you and I, in Him, find forgiveness, redemption!



*Grammar lesson #1: Alliteration: the occurrence of the same letter or sound at the beginning of adjacent of closely connected words.
                    Ex: "subject to a similar scenario"
                        

From Pew Filler to Intern

I am interning at my home church this summer and was told by some individuals that I would be taught a lot about the ministry; by others, I was told that I would learn a lot about the ministry via observation.  After 7 weeks of working in my church, I have decided that the latter is far more accurate.  Have I been taught how to prepare a sermon, youth lesson, or Bible study?  Yes.  Have I been taught one way of how to go about visiting hospital patients and shut-ins, how to conduct funerals and weddings?  Yes.  And I am very thankful for my opportunity to have done so.  


On the other hand, serving as a staff member has opened my eyes to the politics of church life, if you will.  I am becoming more aware of how easy it is for one to go about doing the church work rather than God's work.  And it's not that intentions aren't honorable, it's just that church leadership are expected to carry the weight that the Church should distribute amongst themselves to lighten each other's load.  Speaking from what I've seen, how can the pastor be expected to carry every burden, to remember every birthday, anniversary, and other important dates, to know who has been admitted to the hospital without someone calling, prepare for sermons, have people drop in while he's trying to do so, attend every meeting of every board in the church, take care of 5 maintenance issues that suddenly arise on Sunday morning right before his message, see his own family, and then endure the criticism that is unleashed when he cannot effectively lead the congregation? 


I admit, I have been one of those pew fillers, one that thought that the pastor was in charge of...everything.  I did not vocalize it, but I have been let down because he or she had dropped the ball, in my opinion.  Now, to those who have been guilty of a similar mentality: YOU are the Church.  I am the Church.  And Jesus Christ is head of the Church.  So, if you have issues, I would recommend going to Him first.  I know that He will fix them for you. :-) Most effectively.  


So, what have I learned about the ministry via observation?  First of all, what a shame that I have just realized what a role I play in the ministry; not because I am being paid for the summer, but because Jesus Christ called me to His ministry the day He saved me by His grace.  He called you as well the day He saved you by His goodness and grace.


It's definitely not comfortable.  But being comfortable has gotten us nowhere.